"When I get this job, I'll be happy." "When I make this much money, I'll be happy." "When I finally have that car, that apartment, that lifestyle — then I'll be happy."
I've said all of these. And every single time I got closer to one of them, the goalpost moved. The happiness never came. Just the next thing to chase.
The Tunnel Vision Trap
It's good to have goals. Long-term goals, short-term goals — you need them. They give you direction. But there's a difference between working toward something and being consumed by it. I got so locked into achieving my goals that I forgot about everything else. If something wasn't directly related to what I was chasing, I didn't care about it. I didn't want to do it. Hanging out? Waste of time. Taking a break? Falling behind. Enjoying a random Tuesday for no reason? Couldn't even comprehend it.
That's not discipline. That's tunnel vision. And it made me miserable while I was supposedly building the life that was going to make me happy.
It Was Always About Money
Let's be real — most of what I was chasing was ultimately money-related. The goals, the grind, the hustle — it all came back to money. And I don't think that makes me shallow. It makes me honest. Because everything in this society is money-related. That's how it was built. That's how it functions. Rent, food, health, freedom — it all costs money. You can't escape it.
So how do you stop being materialistic in a world that's designed to make you materialistic? I genuinely don't know the answer to that. I'm still figuring it out. I don't think anyone has it fully figured out. Anyone who says they don't care about money either already has enough of it or is lying.
But There Has to Be More
What I do know is that waiting to be happy is a losing game. Because "when I get there" never actually arrives. There's always another level, another goal, another thing you don't have yet. And if your happiness is always conditional on the next achievement, you'll spend your entire life being unhappy in the present while chasing a future that keeps moving.
The moments you skip over — the boring afternoons, the random conversations, the quiet days where nothing happens — those are your life. Not the milestones. Not the big wins. The in-between. And if you can't find any peace in the in-between, no amount of money or success will fix that.
The Paranoia of Dying Before You "Make It"
This mindset did something else to me that I don't hear people talk about. It made me paranoid about dying. Not in a normal way. In a "if I die before I achieve my goals then my entire life was a waste" way. Like my existence only matters if I accomplish something the world considers valuable.
I still live like this. Because I'm mentally ill. Sometimes I'll be out in public and my brain immediately goes to the worst possible scenario — a drunk driver, a random car accident, a mass shooter. Just gone. Before I got to do the thing I convinced myself would make my life mean something.
It's exhausting. And it robs you of the present moment completely. You can't enjoy being alive when you're constantly afraid of dying before you've "earned" the right to have lived.
I don't have the answers for this one either.
ADHD Makes It All Worse
Here's the other layer. I want to be productive. I want to do a million things. My brain is constantly generating ideas, plans, goals. But then I sit down to do them and I can't. I start something and can't finish it. I try to learn a skill and abandon it. Over and over and over. Until you start believing you have no talent. No skill. That you're just a waste of space in society, stuck in the same place while everyone else moves forward.
And then you open social media. People your age — some even younger — are thriving. Successful. Traveling. Building businesses. Living the life you've been desperately trying to build but can't because your brain won't cooperate. It makes everything 10x worse. You're not just stuck — you're stuck and watching everyone else run laps around you in real time. That's a specific kind of pain that people without ADHD will never fully understand.
I Don't Have the Answer
I'm not going to pretend I've mastered this. I haven't. I still catch myself thinking "once I get this, things will be different." It's a hard habit to break when the entire world reinforces it.
But I'm trying to be more present. To appreciate a good meal without thinking about what I should be doing instead. To sit with people without checking the time. To let a day be just a day and not a wasted opportunity.
It's harder than it sounds. But so is spending your whole life miserable while waiting for a happiness that's always one more achievement away.