People say boredom leads to creativity. That if you just sit with it, something will come. Some great idea will hit you. Some breakthrough.
Not for me. For me boredom leads to me being insane. Like genuinely losing it. My brain starts eating itself. Every thought I've been avoiding comes flooding in. Every regret. Every question I don't have an answer to. It's not peaceful. It's not creative. It's hell.
And then I look around and wonder how billions of people do this every day. How do you wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch tv, sleep, and do it again? How do you not lose your mind? How are you not climbing the walls?
How do you keep yourself busy? How do you stay locked in everyday? It don't make sense to me.
I need stimulation. I need a goal. I need something I'm chasing. The second I don't have that I start spiraling. I start questioning everything. What am I doing. Why am I doing it. Is this even worth it. What's the point.
People talk about hobbies. Pick up a hobby. Ok but most hobbies feel hollow after a week. You play the guitar for a bit. You read a book. You go for a walk. Then what? You're back to square one staring at the wall.
I don't get how people make it past 30. Like really. You've already done the school thing. You've already done the figuring yourself out thing. You've got the job, the house, the partner, the kid. What's left? You just ride it out for another 50 years? How?
Maybe that's the trick. Maybe you just stop asking. Maybe people who make it past 30 just stop asking these questions. They don't sit with boredom long enough to let it eat them. They keep moving. Work, family, errands, routine. They build a life where there's no room for boredom because there's always something to do next.
Or maybe they figured out something I haven't. Maybe they made peace with the quiet. Maybe they don't need a goal every second of every day. Maybe they're ok just existing.
I'm not there yet. Boredom still scares me. I'm bored.